HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Poor Baby Itchy


She took at 150ft tumble
(in robo-feet) last night. And lay on her side utterly immobile. Seriously I thought she was dead. Thankfully she was merely "winded". And quickly sprang back to life - with a pronounced limp. I honestly thought she had broken a "twig" else ruptured something internally. Thankfully all was well and the limp's gone now. The only thing injured was her robbie-pinginess - for about half an hour. She hid in a toilet tube and washed her ears and sulked.

I have to say despite her peanut-eating she's still my thinnest robby. She DID expand in size - but, like a Eurostar train with extra carriages, she just added the length to her bum.

Bashful is my prettiest robbie. She is perfectly proportioned with a "charming" face. She bats her eyelashes at me - then bites me out of "curiosity" and because she's so cute I forgive her every time...

Spherical, as the name implies, looks heavily pregnant and being quite possibly a good year older than the other two is age-wearied and cynical (she gazes at me balefully sometimes as if to say "if you think I'm gonna go nuts for half a peanut and a wilting broccoli sprig you gotta nother thing comin' sweetheart.") But she is entertaining. One minute she ignores my interfering hands (refilling water bottle, dumping wild birdseed down etc); the next she spots me out the corner of an eye and plays scaredy hammy; spluttering about like a furball of fire and panicking the other two, who go pinging up and down equally pointlessly as if a funnel web spider were in their midst... the fat swine! Because she's so heavy and seems to run the exercise wheel the most enthusiastically (she's got a real exercise fixation) if either of the other two dare venture on, the chances are they'll end up clinging for dear life to the wire spokes, endlessly looping the loop as Spherical thunders tubbily onwards, desperate to work off her extra wooly robo-weight...

Thank God little Itchy is fine!



Picture Baby Blog of the Day:
"Like Father Like Son"

Political Blog of the Day
Expat Bear
Not heavy politics but some interesting insights into America's attitude to George Bush, Gulf War II type stuff with more promised to come ....

Travel Blog of the Day
Amazing Italian beaches...


Crafty Blog of the Day
Stampin' and Scrappin' with Stasia
Lovely arty stuff... you can actually buy the stuff off this lady...


Childhood Blog of the Day
These Are The Days
Wonderful photos...


Photo Blog of the Day
Julia Kozlov Photography
Have a look at these American "fall" photos... the scarlet maple leaves... THAT is why I say American autumn is so much more intensely colourful than its British counterpart....


Before I forget:
Don't YOU forget to click for your FREE copy of this Sunday's News of the World!


These are some amazing gurgling baby shots!


Hammer said...

I'm glad the little one is ok. they sure can bounce when they have to.

Gledwood said...

She's fine ;->...

Nicole said...

Thanks for posting that little Chinese boy swimming with the whale!

Bimbimbie said...

Great post *!* .... wonderful descriptions of your little fur balls I had pictures of them running along my screen as I read your words. Lucky Baby Itchy just winded and hurt pride I bet.

Lee said...

I'm glad that Baby is fine, Gled. You had me concerned there for a while, as is obvious, you were, too!

Gledwood said...

Nicole: I first saw that featured in the daily paper... then as I logged on to Youtube 3 days ago it was a "featured video"... brilliant, isn't it~?!?

Bimbimbie: I know. Silly gremlin - jumped off for no real reason except a bit of over-excitement

Lee: I would have gone mental if something really was wrong I would never have forgiven myself

Marcus Sundman said...

Well.. about my hand. I went to this house to take a swim.. and used the trampoline and I slipped on it when I jumped..=/

Gledwood said...

Get well soon. It looks like you'd goughed holes out of it!


Kahshe Cottager said...

I am glad there was no permanent damage. I had the best chuckle reading this post and imagining pinging furballs!

PS... I know Winnie as Winnie the Pooh (with an H at the end) Pooh was the sound Winnie made while trying to blow flies off his nose when his arms were stuck up in the air, so Christopher Robin called him Winnie the Pooh!

Gledwood said...

Yeah I know I "accidentally" left off that H on porpoise!!

NagraKiller said...

that big wall you saw on my blog was a wall used for the protection of the city... like a castle wall that surrounded the old city ("a villa")
Guimaraes is a very old city with over 1000 years, and has an amazing heritage, such as this wall, the castle, the palace (which you can see part at the topo of this photo) and many other monuments :)

visit me more often at


Anonymous said...

thank you so much for featuring me!
i just started the blog today, since i have so many photos that i want to share with the world.

thanks again, it made my day. i own a hamster......we adopted him since he was abused before by his previous guardians. he now happily sleeps, east cheese and apples everyday and we pet him tons.

britain is such a historically powerful and beautiful place to live. so much history, innovation and culture........canada is quite bland compared to europe. the only powerful thing about US is San Francisco, New York, and i would say cities like Detroit and Chicago...otherwise also cultureless.

thanks alot


Grumblebear said...

Thanks for the plug, Gledwood. You just think no heavy political stuff! ;-) Will keep an eye on your pages. I really like some of your stuff.


Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Ah, poor baby! Do give her a cuddle from Simi and me. What a lovely description of all of them.

sadgirl said...

Hi Gleds

Its lovely to hear about your hammies, do they cheer you up? Its a right miserable day so I hope you have not had to go out. How are you getting on? Are you trying to reduce the drugs? Just think you could be clean for Christmas!

all the best
sad x

RUTH said...

I'm glad baby Itchy was ok. Thanks for your helpful SLOW gin comment....lol The problem is it's esier to find Sloes than Tortoises round here :o) My favourite childhood bear was Rupert too...hated his trousers though!

Gledwood said...

Nagrakiller: Thanks for leaving your url; I'm often v bad at sorting out where I had been...
As I said, that picture was extremely evocative... made me feel almost like I'd been there before!

Julia: Well re what you say about North America: In a way I'm glad to live in Europe bc I feel that once we cross the English Channel the world really IS on our doorstep.. not just a bunch of people who speak the same language with a slightly different accent... America really is isolated GEOGRAPHICALLY though this point is hardly ever raised... I would so much love to go travelling at leisure and with money (not backpacking really!) thru Europe to "discover" it...
Having said that I would love to do America and Canada too!

Grumblebear: come on post up that heavy political stuff!

Gledwood said...

Sadgirl: They certainly make me laugh sometimes! I have to be careful not to laugh literally in their faces as it makes them all scared... then they run about pinging up and down looking very entertaining in faked-up "panic"..!

Ruth: o yeah! I'd never considered that about tortoises...
Our local pet shop sells baby terrapins tho... they're tiny and really cute and not THAT expensive (I think you can get one for £50...) hang on what am I wasting time saying this for I never did check out the price... but I don't think it's 2 hi... (ooer!)

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ I am so glad that baby Itchy was not hurt in the fall and
is quite OK. I had a big teddy bear
(without a name) just an almost orange colour and I loved him. Many years later I gave him to my eldest son tp play with (and he wrecked poor Teddy. My father was not amused, and
neither am I, now!! Take care, and keep on writing here and for your book/ You are a busy guy. Regards,

Gledwood said...

Thanks Merle... you didn't have a famous "literary" bear then..??

Audrey said...

So glad baby itchy is ok they are all obviously very precious to you

My favourite bear was definitely Paddington just love that hat, duffle and wellies, I used to have a bean fillied Paddington that I loved but its disappeared somewhere. My kids also had a talking Bingo bear that used to say 'will you give me a hug and rub my tummy etc etc my daughter found one on ebay not long ago to give to my Grandson pleasant memories associated with Bingo

LOL Yes Im still here...but just 10 more days to go...so looking forward to it.

Have a happy Sunday
Auds x

Gledwood said...

Glad you're OK, Auds; I was getting worried about you!

teamnoir said...

No, my post, (http://community.livejournal.com/needlefuck/55966.html),
wasn't about IV drug use. It's about consensual needle play as related to bdsm and to ritual bdsm play.

Gledwood said...

Are you talking about a human vampire type thing?

I wouldn't get why else you'd want to stick needles into yourself except (and this isn't a list of MY tastes, please be informed!!)

1. to inject drugs
2. to self-harm
3. to draw blood for drinking/"vampiric" purposes...

what else left is there, except common assault..?!?

ggirl said...

I'm so happy to hear the Itchy is okay.

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Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood