Have Not Given Up Giving Up

I AM SWEATING SO BAD I feel like an amphibian. No I have not given in ... last night I went poking about everywhere seeking out remnants of old gear to make sure it all had gone. Eventually I did find under Amy Winehouse (surprise surprise!) enough residue in a spoon to make quite an impressive brown colour. So all that has gone, I feel half-forlorn and deprived; half "pull yourself together - that is the addict in you telling you you need that dried mud crap".

Sometimes I've looked outside my addict situation with wonderment... how something so precious to me, to a dealer (and professional dealers hardly EVER use - especially heroin; crack, believe it or not is actually more socially acceptable (ha!) though I suppose that is because it is cocaine and cocaine has a certain "image"...) - to these dealers the heroin commodity is nothing more exciting than very expensive dried mud. That's what it looks like. If you found a stupid one you could rip them off with mud. How did I ever get so obsessed with something that never even feels over 4/10 strong. Aye - but there's the rub. On a qualitative/quantative scale the high of heroin is qualitatively a 10 but quantatively no more than a 6/10 even when you've had a dip in tolerance... that IS the rub... because it's lovely yet never quite strong enough you're always chasing after more more more. Heroin would still be addictive psychologically even if it WASN'T addictive physically.

Well at least I feel better now I've had a drink. My head was doing cartwheels before. I'm trying to cut down on drink (but not cut it out - that would be simply puritanical my dear.)

Last night I got out a luxury gremlin prison for my furry swines. If you click this you'll see an exact replica in action complete with spiral staircase and wheel-on-turret...