HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

LIVE FROM LONDON

Gledwoods deutscher Blog

Bitte hier klicken ...

DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Self-portrait (At Last!)

INSTEAD OF POSTING HOW MISERABLE AND DULLARD the day has been (bc nothing has happened at all except my missing a crucial appointment) I can, instead, show the WORLD my beautiful face! Yes! Just click on my profile! Or have a look at the top of the ensuing "comments" and you'll see my inner personality for all to behold...

This is what I look like when I've been running my wheel all night, stuffed "wild bird" in my pouches, squeaked a bit, then done a poo in the woodshavings in the corner...

PS In case anybody wonders how to do it: THIS is how I achieved my wondrous "avatar" ...


Find a photograph you like online. When you put the cursor arrow over the photo, if it turns into a hand you've found a picture you can use (it can be any picture from anywhere online at all...)

You click on the picture. The picture will have an internet address all of its own which you will obviously see in the address bar.

Highlight and save this address.

Then as you log into your blogger account, go to Dashboard. To the right of this is "edit profile" click on this.

Look carefully down your profile to where it says "photo url". Then ctrl+V on this and the photo you selected becomes your "avatar" or portrait...


***

Fantastic coral reef photos... these are really unsurpassed. David Attenborough couldn't do better. Brilliant stuff...

***

Song of the day...

Seeing as Ruth and Akelamalu are posting Xmas already I thought I'd join in with the spirit of things... but get things in extra-early by pointing out this is for Xmas 2009

Eartha Kitt - Santa Baby

***

Clickonthis for a list of reasons to be cheerful: natural highs.



34 comments:

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ Sorry you missed an appointment and had a dull day. Your little hamster is cute, but not as your photo.How about a real one? Thanks for your comment - I take it you have ridden a few freight trains. Not sure what a bullet train is. I only go to the podiatrist to have my toenails cut, as I have bad back and cannot fo them myself. Could you try again to learn the Japanese language ? But keep writing. Take care, Best wishes, Merle.

Gledwood said...

No I've NOT ridden freight trains actually... though I've been SO tempted to jump on! That's an American thing... over here you get in BIG BIG trouble for doing that type of thing and there's no "hobo" subculture like there is in the states for doing that...

The Bullet Train... come on you DO know what that is Merle.. it's the Japanese super express train. Goes about 180mph/300kph...

I have a teach yourself in Japanese... I was always pretty good at the accent so skimped on the CDs but I need to get them really at some future time...

I'm doing a tiny bit a day (as of yesterday!)

RUTH said...

Love the new portrait Gleds...you are cute aren't you! Enjoyed reading the start of your Christmas sonnet in my comment box...I'll look forward to the rest :o)
Rx

Naomi Joy said...

hahaha your a little hamster aren't ya? I knew it all along! lol well your very cute lookin i'll give ya that much! :p

Akelamalu said...

Hey that's cheating Christmas 2009 indeed! LOL

jmb said...

Heh Gleds, you are adorable. I hope you get to stay on the internet forever. If not, like me you can change your avatar.

Gledwood said...

Ruth; Naomi; Akelamalu; JMB: ;->...

Gledwood said...

uh how bloody typical...

I was trying to say:

;->...

so there!!

Alexys Fairfield said...

Hey Gleds,
Loved the music selections. You are so cute and cuddly. Your eyes are so warm and senstive and you seem to have a real curiosity about you. You pose well and are intelligent enough not to bite the hand that feeds you -- it would leave a lot of blood and confusion.

I want to carry you in my handbag and take you out when other people walk their dogs. Let the chase ensue.

Cheers!

Gledwood said...

Actually if I were tame enough I would live in your handbag 24/7 - as long as I was paid off in Harvest Crunch bars and broccoli chews...

Icarus said...

So, the avatar is a definite hit! And as I've just pointed out in the previous post, you made a real difference to my day, so that it wasn't Groundhog Day for once. Not an unsubstantial achievement on your part.
But I'm still wondering why you asked me for my thoughts on that particular concept......

Icarus said...

PS: Sayonara!

gledwood said...

uh?

hang on i have to rewind and check 'em

and sorry i haven't got my "avatar" with me this once either as i'm logged out!!

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

Ahhhh, bless ya!

JOE * to * HELL said...

IFTP

molson said...

Gledwood. Your avatar is definitely you. Good choice. Plus you now have an offer to live in a handbag. Screw the Ontario Tower.

BUMBLE!!! said...

Definitely some eclectic tastes in music going on here...

Have a good 1.

Squamer said...

Ahh, gledwood! The squamer is in fact back in business! HOw have you been? My how i missed exchanging comments with you. PLease do come back to my blog!

www.dailysquamer.blogspot.com

Gattina said...

My finger hurts now from scrolling down and down and down to find your portrait ! My cat looked at your portrait and wanted to jump into my screen ! As I am not curious like other women are I made the personality test and got this "Your personality type is dreamy, romantic, elegant, and expressive.
I wonder about elegant, running always around in Jeans and T-shirts !

Tea N. Crumpet said...

What a cute furry creature you are!

I'm an ENFP. The profile fits me to a T!

M- Filer said...

Oh you are handsome! Cute.

Bimbimbie said...

There you are, perfect portrait to go with your personality profile *!*

Eartha Kitt's Santa Baby is a fav, great selection

Tea & Margaritas in My Garden said...

Aw what a cute little guy you are! LOL

tea
xo

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ Thanks for your comments and I am glad you liked the post. I
agree we have to have something to look forward to in life. You were
right about the bullet train - I did know about the fast train in Japan.
Good luck with the Japanese language - it looks a hard one to learn. (to
write it anyway.) Take good care,
Best Wishes, Merle.

sadgirl said...

Hi Gleds, thanks for your comments on my blog. I will be away for a few days now with my husband visiting friends in Edinburgh.

take care
sad x

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Ciao, Gleds. sorry it's taken me so long to come over but I've been fighting flu since I got back. Anyway, my personality is "very rare" and I love "Santa Baby". That's right - get in for 2009! Auguri

Nicole said...

I love the reef photos! You know, the first thing Vincent wants to do when we get to Australia is go snorkeling! He was also talking about starting an underwater photography blog. We'll see.

RAFFI said...

i still can't figure out why i'm a storm trooper, but i do like it. as for the hammies, i have only found regular-sized hamsters at the pet chain store "petland" here in nyc. according to the clerk, robos are sold at more "exclusive" pet shops. in nyc that means $$$$$$$. so, for now, my beta fighting fish will suffice... i call him alpha and he's pretty feisty. btw, i just scrolled down your right margin and i think i made it to china once i got to the bottom ;)

Gledwood said...

Icarus: See! I'm glad I made a difference to somebody's day...

Molson: yes I think I will live in the handbag and not that inconveniently expensive tower...

Vi Vi Voom:Hi!

Joe to Hell: hey how come I don't get hairflick bird avatar?!?

Gledwood said...

Bumble: yeah but i like James bond themes...

Squamer: I will come over in a minute (or an hour) but will try 2do so 2day...

Gattina: ;->...

Tea & Crumpet: enfp? =~~uh??

Gledwood said...

M-filer: ;->... why are you wearing a riding helmet btw?

Bimbimbie: O! Eartha Kitt is a fabulous performer... when I was little I remember she was a stalwart of the chat shows, doing that purring "thang" she used to do ...

Tea and Marge: haha!

Merle: see! I knew you knew what a bullet train was...

did u know they once transported an old one to the (British) national railways museum in York... wow it was so ENORMOUS they had to take the doors off to get it in... FAR bigger than the French TGV

Gledwood said...

Sadgirl: have a good time, don't get too stressed out, please!

Welshcakes: Get well soon the bloody flue can be chronic (well almost literally...)

Nicole: you gotta live Cairns or nearby surely to go mega-diving in Aus..?

Raffi: Yeah I got the same response re robos from South Kensington (OK put it this way that is where Princess Di used to live so it's not exactly a cheap neighbourhood)... in this country they can cost up to £20/$40 each but I got my 3 for £23/$46 which is bargainacious... some pet shops tried putting me off by saying they're too quick etc... but that is the whole POINT that they ARE quick and really entertaining to look at!

opop said...

情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, ut聊天室, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網, 影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友,

免費A片, 本土自拍, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片, 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網, 日本A片, 免費A片下載, 性愛, 成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊,

fgeegf said...

做愛的漫畫圖片, 情色電影分享區, 做愛ㄉ影片, 丁字褲美女寫真, 色美眉, 自拍俱樂部首頁, 日本偷自拍圖片, 色情做愛影片, 情色貼圖區, 八國聯軍情色網, 免費線上a片, 淫蕩女孩自拍, 美國a片, 都都成人站, 色情自拍, 本土自拍照片, 熊貓貼圖區, 色情影片, 5278影片網, 脫星寫真圖片, 粉喵聊天室, 金瓶梅18, sex888影片分享區, 1007視訊, 雙贏論壇, 爆爆爽a片免費看, 天堂私服論壇, 情色電影下載, 成人短片, 麗的線上情色小遊戲, 情色動畫免費下載, 日本女優, 小說論壇, 777成人區, showlive影音聊天網, 聊天室尋夢園, 義大利女星寫真集, 韓國a片, 熟女人妻援交, 0204成人, 性感內衣模特兒, 影片, 情色卡通, 85cc免費影城85cc, 本土自拍照片, 成人漫畫區, 18禁, 情人節阿性,

aaaa片, 免費聊天, 咆哮小老鼠影片分享區, 金瓶梅影片, av女優王國, 78論壇, 女同聊天室, 熟女貼圖, 1069壞朋友論壇gay, 淫蕩少女總部, 日本情色派, 平水相逢, 黑澀會美眉無名, 網路小說免費看, 999東洋成人, 免費視訊聊天, 情色電影分享區, 9k躺伯虎聊天室, 傑克論壇, 日本女星杉本彩寫真, 自拍電影免費下載, a片論壇, 情色短片試看, 素人自拍寫真, 免費成人影音, 彩虹自拍, 小魔女貼影片, 自拍裸體寫真, 禿頭俱樂部, 環球av影音城, 學生色情聊天室, 視訊美女, 辣妹情色圖, 性感卡通美女圖片, 影音, 情色照片 做愛, hilive tv , 忘年之交聊天室, 制服美女, 性感辣妹, ut 女同聊天室, 淫蕩自拍, 處女貼圖貼片區, 聊天ukiss tw, 亞亞成人館, 777成人, 秋瓷炫裸體寫真, 淫蕩天使貼圖, 十八禁成人影音, 禁地論壇, 洪爺淫蕩自拍, 秘書自拍圖片,

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood