Gledwood Vol 2 (Main blog)

HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

LIVE FROM LONDON

Gledwoods deutscher Blog

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe) mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Yumm-Yumm: My Industrial Cookery Secrets

MUNCHED A YUMMY TEA tonight: Vegetables (42%) (Sweetcorn, Carrots, Peas), Water, Breadcrumbs (Contains Turmeric Extract, Paprika Extract), Potato Flake, Sunflower Oil, Wheat Flour, Salt, Eggwhite Powder, Yeast Extract, Maize Starch, Onion Powder, Mustard fried in Water, Vegetable Oils, Salt (1.4%), Emulsifier: Mono- and Diglycerides of Fatty Acids, Preservative: Potassium Sorbate, Citric Acid, Flavouring, Colour: Carotines: Vitamins A and D for ten minutes and served with a dash of Tomatoes, Spirit Vinegar, Sugar, Modified Maize Starch, Salt, Spice Extract (contains Celery Extract) and Soya Bean Oil. 140g Tomatoes in 100g Product (so it's magic as well!!) in Unbleached Untreated Wheatflour (Wholemeal), Water, Salt, Yeast, Preservative (Potassium Sorbate). Mmm:- Just what I'd have put in if I'd prepared it from scratch ...

And what did you eat today?...

PS: For beautiful Turkish cookery recipe's in English go to http://turkishkitchenmelbourne.blogspot.com. Thanks Ceviz!
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14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sorry I know no apostrophe should be there but gotta go...

Gleds

24 February 2007 at 20:14
slaghammer said...

Dang! I do love that eggwhite powder. It’s good and good for you, and I can’t even begin to tell you what a wonderful plaster it makes when boiled with cloven hooves, pork bristles and concrete.

24 February 2007 at 22:58
Deb said...

"mustard fried in water"...must try that. I'm having Ricola & Cepacol lozenges, water & oranges today. Still down for the count, just checking in.

25 February 2007 at 01:50
Nicole said...

I have no idea what you're eating there but it can't be doing you any good. What on earth was that?

Breakfast here was fresh raspberries with greek yoghurt. Lunch was tilapia fish fillet with sage and rosemary and a salad with tomato, avocado, lime juice and a hint of garlic.

Dinner... no idea yet.

25 February 2007 at 13:22
Deb said...

Nicole, can I come for lunch? (sounds yummy).

25 February 2007 at 14:42
junky said...

since I'm a good portion of the globe in front of you and late to this post also, so far breakfast has been a cup of tea, a milligram of xanex and a Marlboro, I call this "the breakfast of champions" for sure.

25 February 2007 at 15:42
RUTH said...

Had no Mono- and Diglycerides of Fatty Acids so had to having a boring old roast and homemade apple pie. Dang and dash.....

25 February 2007 at 18:32
Anonymous said...

There is a GREAT Turkish restaurant near my apartment in Germany. I must admit; I've fallen in love with Turkish cuisine!

25 February 2007 at 21:51
Elsie said...

Hey Gleds

Been a while since I visited. You are into scientific eating now?????????

Have a look on my blog at pics of so unhealthy party foods.

thanks for the link to the Turkish site. Will have a look there tomorrow night.

Stay well please

Lcxxx

25 February 2007 at 22:18
rowan said...

i like it more when your writing is incredibly focused.. Not to critize write whatever the hell you want. Just wanted to comment (constructively i hope)

26 February 2007 at 02:50
Deb said...

gled i hope the fried mustard didn't get ya.

26 February 2007 at 03:01
Kev said...

haha... this post explains the difference in our blogs all together. my blog is for school and film class but i enjoy writing in it. i like your posts... honest, open, nice... i blog about myself but not to your extent on my MySpace one at blog.myspace.com/welcometokevslife. thanks for commenting, made my day.

26 February 2007 at 07:36
Gledwood said...

In answer to your "WHAT WAS THAT?" queries it was:

4x Bird's Eye vegetable fingers
Fried in Sainsbury's own brand (non-economy) margerine
With a dash of Sainsbury's own (non-economy) tomato ketchup
Served in a wholemeal pitta from the Turkish corner shop.

26 February 2007 at 12:11
claire said...

hee thanx for comment on my blog!just back in holland, so fucking grey weather over here!
hee try to fix normail food instead of writing all the ingredients, takes about the same time... love1 claire

26 February 2007 at 12:34

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood