OK SO THE INEVITABLE HAS HAPPENED. How long I was going to stay illicit-drug clean... who knows? It was in my hands only ... My fate remains in my hands only ... Already I am bored with using again. I only used heroin, not crack. Crack I really hope I can say really is in the trashcan of the past...
People keep telling me I have a "needle fixation". This is because I so love pronging metal spears into my body. In fact on on a couple of occasions I remember feeling so enraptured with the process of injecting I actually got more of a buzz out of that than off the heroin. Heroin gets very boring. As I said the other day it is only ever a mild-feeling drug (that's one of the many ways it deceives its users - because it feels far milder than it actually is). And it's a painkiller. So what it does best is removes sensation rather than giving it as other drugs do, e.g. speed, cocaine...
This morning on the Today Programme on Radio 4 an anaesthetist came on to talk about research they're doing into how conscious you actually are when you're too "unconscious" to follow a conversation. (E.g. when you're under a pre-med but haven't been zonked out totally yet by the intravenous infusion.) I have to say I was thinking or "the addict in me was thinking" as the drugs service would have me talk... what a great job that would be, hitting people up with drugs all day, sliding needles in them, knocking them out. I would make a really enthusiastic anaesthetist as I know from experience the great benefits of not feeling anything (aesthetic=Greek feeling; an-aesthetic=not feeling).
Well I'm babbling now and trying to shift focus away from the fact that I've ****ed up yet again. Ho-hum. I am only human.
But hey! Do you like my new hat? <(;->...
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Today's video
Visage - Fade to Grey
(I purloined this from Crushed by Ingsoc's blog...)
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Photo of the day:
Click here to view...
Photo of the day ii:
Ultra red-white-blue - click here to view...
15 hours ago
18 comments:
note to self:
face in the crowd finland=
http://face-in-the-crowd.blogspot.com/
Hey does anyone reading this agree here?
This is something I'm intending to post later::
One point nobody raises about our "surveillance society"... all this databasing and recording and watching and scrutinizing of our population is all well and good in times of peace and under a benign British government. Isn't Britain, after all the home of democracy and free speech?
Imagine just for a moment if this island of ours should become invaded by an enemy power, or if a totalitarian government should gain get in.
EVERYTHING those powers require to keep a population subjugated has ALREADY been done in the name of "crime fighting" and "national security"... don't you see?
Sometimes being anonymous is a good thing, not because it's a licence to go out and commit crimes, but because NOT being anonymous gives those with ill-motives TOO MUCH POWER OVER YOU.
Hello!
Yes, I am writing in Norwegian:)
Regine
Thanks for your note! I do like the way you have changed your sidebar organizing the blogs by country!
I hope today is better for you ... don't let one slip get you down! You have been doing so well!!!!
Your little hammies are getting quite clever!
Hi Gleds ~~ So you stuffed up - so now you have to start again.And maybe the next time will be THE one.
Thanks for your comments - I liked the hell joke too. I didn't know that about a cat purring being a natural ultra sound - but it sounds
as though it could be right. There is a vibration, along with the purr.
Take greater care, my friend. Regards, Merle.
Hey Gled. Interesting observation regarding public scrutiny, especially in the UK, home of CCTV cameras every 15 feet.
Love the Visage vid! This has always been one of my favourite '80s songs.
To answer your other question- would rather not be linked to a city on your sidebar. My industry is very small, and I take semi-great lengths to stay anonymous. I don't mind you knowing- maybe I'll send the loc via email, but please don't publish...Thanks!
Today's a new day Gleds, try again. x
I'd say Crack is worse than heroin.
Literally, instantaneous euphoria, lost in exhalation.
I love the Visage song - one of my lingering in the memory favs - have to admit when it was released I thought they were singing "picked a grape" lol *!*
err free speech in England? didn't that leave through the back door as the Political Correctness Thugs barged through the front door - I don't know my birth country much these days sadly *(
stylish hat by the way ... and at least you know you stuffed up, that's a good thing surely your not denying the fact *!*
....nearly forgot - redback spiders we don't seem to get them here, but at my last place they were about - I'm sure what your uncle told you was true about the outdoor dunny - check before you sit lol Smiles to you gleds
..... just saw your Aussie animal bloopers - those "magpie" dancers need all the support they can get *!*
haha gledwood your too cute! do you like my hat?...that Made me smile!
I can't believe you like needles...man I hate them...and the slicing motion arg arg arg.
sorry I haven't been around much...I'm gonna try and get more active on my blog again. I miss it
Okay so you messed up. So what? You can still do this.
I love your idea about being an anaesthetist. I wonder if all of them are secretly are on some kind of high when they're ramming people full of needles and drugs. I shall look at peope who take blod in a different light in future.
I had to smile when I read this about our surveillance society. Today I was informed by my manager I will have to undergo a risk assessment as I gained myself a speeding fine a year ago and as part of the disclosure policy I am duty bound to inform my employers of this, despite the fact that I am not allowed to use my car as part of my work..Gosh do I feel like a criminal. Makes me wonder how far things will go in the future.
I remember giving my first injection during my nurse training, but nervous to say the least and my daughter has to inject drugs for her arthritis every couple of days, I still wince at the thought, Im not very good with needles, would rather have a baby lol.
As for the lapse dont be too despondent it is after all a lapse thats all, as you said pick yourself up, dust yourself down and start all over again, its a new day
Yes I love the hat...very creative..lol
Hey Gleds… do not be hard on yourself over lapsing. Deep down you know that you shall actually make it. The timing has to be right. Be patient with the process.
Yes, great hat. (It is a "party hat," right?) :-)
Regine: I do apologize, I thought you were Danish! Landsmal or Bokmal?
Kahshe: they are VERY inquisitive. E.g. if you put something new in their domain rather than frustratingly not seeming to notice it for AGES and AGES as per normal hamsters they go STRAIGHT UP TO IT and start investigating which I find really entertaining
Merle: I will have to take more care you are right. I think in future I'm only going to tell I've done it after the fact rather than boasting "this is what I am going to do"... that makes sense, right?
Whitenoise: that's fair enough I will just put "American skies" or something similar...
Akelamalu: aye! You're right there!
Crushed by...: It is certainly stronger. But easier to get your head round. Because it goes UP... DOWN. Heroin gets under your skin and stays there...
Bimbimbie: I bet we have had this conversation before... I thought you were a pom but then again I assume all Aussies are ex-poms... I was nearly born a £10 pom... did you know that (bet I told you that before as well haha ;->...)
Naomi: the needles thing is only an aquired thing... a perversion, if you will...
Liz: a bloodtaker (far as I know) is a phlebotomist.... and need only be a nurse (so I could quite easily become one if they forgave me my former addiction) whereas an anaesthetist is a fully qualified dr with a penchant for... well... knocking people out!!
I'm sure there are quite a few ex-junkies working in "phlebotomy"... it really wouldn't surprise me... I've heard all sorts of tales about e.g. acupuncturists being similar...
Audrey: an IV injection is far more nerveracking than an IM/SC... you know what I mean... the latter two it doesn't really matter if you move the needle whereas a vein is like a tube that it must stay within!
Being experienced with insulin syringes now I dont really understand what diabetics complain about... so what about the odd bruise if it's keeping you alive. A diabetic type injection is so VERY easy to do there really is no need for fuss, seriously.
Rather have a baby: don't LOL about THAT!!
As for surveillance I think we could be setting ourselves up for something nasty...
Dave: a party hat? Definitely. I wouldn't be seen dead in a hat like that normally.
Well I HOPE I shall make it. It is hard fighting against your own brain and body. Because that is what the drugs adhere to...
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