Which is the crux of the methadone issue (because it's not like heroin) but Governments love it. (Because it gives outward signs of improvement.) Most addicts aren't willing or ready to improve that much and so methadone therapy is a waste of time. E.g. on the man who was willing to sell me £40 worth! His house is like a crackhouse. That's the place where everyone was rude. Everyone but him. He's OK. Gruff. But OK. Someone once said he was trying to intimidate me, but I don't feel intimidated by people like that. Who express how they are feeling. All they are doing is laying cards you already knew they had on the table. So dealing with them is easier.Anyway I know a story about this one certain person that makes him out to be a Paper Tiger. I had another friend who was genuinely Hard and they came into conflict...
I don't particularly like the word Hard, when Strong and Tough describes somebody better. There's someone else I know like that and I respect him for it. Then people get to know me and call me "Hard" which annoys me. I also used to get called Cynical when I'm just normal in that respect. So people can be self-centred and nasty and I can see that. Ain't cynical: that's being realistic. It was when a heroin addict was banging on about how you "have to do stuff for your grandkids" and I was like "yeah once you've had a hit first" ~ and we all know that is the reality of heroin addiction. Once you've had your gear you're ready to Engage. Before that, no engagement can or will take place. And what little does comes with a whole slew of resentment. Forcing a heroin addict into meaningful activity before their heroin is like forcing a starving man to work before giving him any food. It won't make him like you.
Last night I put on Meet the Fockers again. My mood had fallen at about 7pm and I was pissed off. No longer manic but depressed. Manic depression. Doncha just hate it! I was particularly offended when my shrinko used those 2 words together in that phrase as if manic and depressed have to be 2 components of the same thing (but they are: I just hate it).
I was also very bothered and pissed off that I have schizophrenia. That is what schizoaffective MEANS. It means bipolar + schizophrenia and I know the schizzy bits in me. They are the bits that don't add up that I couldn't explain to another person. Like rooms in a house divided by bullet proof glass walls. Just because you can see into doesn't mean you're GETTING into or that anything gets out. What comes out is a report of that which is viewed not experienced. The experience takes place in that impregnable fortress of an experience-bubble. One day, to those of you who are interested, I will try and explain what is schizzy in me. Because I do think I grasp it. Just can't do it at 8 o'clock (as it is now) in the morning.My roses are opening beautifully in their pint glass, especially one. The other has gone limp. I just cut the stem again. Now they look like Little and Large. Tomorrow I'm getting some Art Stuff to make my trotterdonkey Acrylic Paintings for my wall.
So this is now; that is then. I've got to go. Pizza and tea ready.
FRANTIC
i used to go to this club, it was nuts
and this is the sort of music i used to go eeeeeeing to: psychedelic hardhouse
these ones all have that unmixed compilation cd quality. a good dj would flash the next tune over the old one and dijjydit through so you're bouncing on the old one and then the E!-E!-E!-E!-E!-E!-E! energy of the new one takes you flying off....
HARDHOUSE MIXstonkinstompin
but why the words? hardhouse = no words! CMON!!! i love the choon tho
CLASSIC HARDHOUSE 2 i love this onewhat does this say to you, that squeaky word says all different words
squeakymunchtime diginmymind it's like a musical pill-dispenser
this one has words but the words are in the tune not outside of, that's what works better
this is what i've got. i have symptoms of bipolar schizoaffective disorder
2 comments:
morning gledwood,i love the roses,have you noticed how the first flowers of spring are yellow and white,then purple arrives and with every season there are certain colours...natures wisdom gives us a blast of yellow to cheer us after the grey wintry days...? .I wanted to tell you where to get cheap boards to paint on,aldi or lidl sometimes,or a shop called TIGER that does cheap and cheerful bits and pieces,like a swedish pound shop.Theres one in hammersmith kings mall,but i don't know if thats any help to you?
Ha ha,my verify word is coqck..sorry maybe thats not funny.it sounds so french.
Annie x
ANNIE: coqck oh van! ha ha ha i might go down that place in hammersmith it is after all just a tube ride away; the place i'm thinking of for arts supplies is expensive so i'd rather go aomewhere cheaper, i was going to have a look in selfridges and john lewis oxford street; i reckon selfridges will do art shyte and they're not necessarily expensive (not like harrods); aldi and lidl thanks i was wondering where i'd seen those boards i need one to practise on and i need 2 of them about 2 foot perfectly square i might even stretch my own canvas if i can only make the frame for it..!
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