ICELAND'S £1.50 COMPLETE ROAST BEEF DINNER is in the microwave. Cooking merrily away. 6 mins then 3 mins then put the blinkin Yorkshire pudding in then 1 min how many mins mins chuck 'em in the bins shuttup. O man it's WINDY outside. There's been gusting gales the last 2 days.
That brainy Susie Dent is explaining something to do with etymologies of snake bites on Countdown. Susie Dent is my ideal woman. Brainy. Looks like she can handle herself in a fight (joke).
O man this dinner is doing my head in. Microwave. In. Out. Stir it all about.
I just spent an hour in a car in a carpark talking shit with someone to pass time. It was fun in a different way. O man I'm craving alcohol. Shall I get some yes I'm out the door one second...
No I'm not getting any. Yeah I'll get low alcohol Smirnoff cloudy lemonade. If they've restocked. I bought all the last batch!
A load of Yum Yum Smirnoff Vodka stuff went through my head on the way too and from that voddy shop. They've restocked. Know a good vodka customer when they see one (me).
Yeah my name is Gledwood I'm an alkie. I know. I confess. I don't like being a lousy drinker.
I feel hyped up enough already without drink dulling me down. I only took it to dull pain. I'm not in pain now I'm in pleasure so why dull it down? See: stupidity.
Eh that find the money programme is on. When you open boxes. Can't eve n recall the name. DEAL OR NO DEAL! That's it. Thomas is on. "I think this is one of those we're going to remember for a very long time," says Noel Edmunds. Not likely. Who remembers crappy gameshows. Don't answer.
I hear my name come from inanimate objects on the street: does this mean I'm a mentally ill nutter? Don't answer!
Right I have to go, cheerio!
PS Why do people mix up honesty with frankness? I'm frank, doesn't mean I'm honest. I am but I don't see that one means the other. Maybe frankness is a TYPE of honesty. Yeah that'd be it...
PPS That Iceland £1.50 roast beef dinner tasted like the smell of dog food
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