wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww {and I fell asleep pressing the w-key!}I scored heroin earlier because I got a call on Sunday promising the Best "dark" in the //////////////////ddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
now do you see the problem with heroin? It makes me tired. I cannl''dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
IF YOU THINK I'm the kind of pussyman who's not gonna tell you I've had a teenly little lapse, banging up 2 £10 bags at once you still don't get who I am. Not that I get it an3eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
I'm leaving this post as it is. I shot up about 0.3g ie a £15 deal intl my right calf; was direct in the vein; pushed in and got Instant Fkxatklllllll[[[[[[[[[[[
see what I mean? so out of it can barely type English. So it's staying like this. Just to show how cool heroin is.
Really cool. I'm so glad I took it I can't even remember taking it as such. I just have felt incredibly sleepy since banging up And I need my sleep; so thats one thing: I'm sleeping like a baby in this dark blue armchair.
There's no filter. Nothing saved. I did this in oneaaddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
it's now 2:44am; I began writing this around 9
and those me sleeping at the keyboard nonsense-letters had to be edited by 90%: sent the machine screwy
03:05 hrs I'll update properly later. This guy does 2x£10s at £15 and they're STRONG. My body's not used to heroin any more; hence the nonsense keyboard-gauwching
05:20 hrs; let's have some music (I'm awake now)
ALL SAINTS: PURE SHORES
soundtrack from movie The Beach
5 comments:
Lets make this perfectly clear, I am NOT encouraging you in any way but as an addict to a legal substance I know it's hard. Strangely you make more sense on Heroin than without. I'm sorry you fell off the wagon. I fear for your life and your future, there must be something you can take that will'settle' you while you detox. Then I'm ignorant. I just know it took 390 years for my bro in law's brother to kick it. I don't know what else to say. You're an addict and I don't believe the psychosis crap that you post here I think you self analyse too much because youre detoxing. DONT DO IT ALONE. There, my five cents. I'm struggling with a manic depressive friend at the moment who won't admit he has a problem. I'm exhausted so sorry if I sound narky.
i hope the psychosis crap is just that but how the hell does my brain conjure up that shit? i always thought it came from someone else's brain and they were putting it into mine, you can tell that because more than one person is in my head.
it's worse in public than at home because everyone else makes it worse, same as when you're drunk you can potter about alone thinking you're ok, then your friend rings and you're laughing your head off. they never said it was schizophrenia they said it was mood swings just worse than the average i hope you're right otherwise i'm fucked. it might sound immature but i decided if it is bipolar disorder rather than just bipolar as in up and down then i was going to do myself in. really i need a plan b for that one.
i'm not taking drugs to stop me feeling too happy that really is sad. anyway it wore off yesterday and i feel increasingly shit, despite the heroin
and i just thought something else if it's just a trick then who is tricking me?
that's another reason i don't want to go outside. i'm fine on my own i just feel high or low, but in the outside world everyone thinks i'm a weirdo, they speak shit to me just to wind me up then they say they can't follow what i'm saying. basically because they're all too stupid and slow (that's how it feels)
only cure for all that is to go on heroin because it damps everything down; methadone just makes everything so much worse. i've already asked whether i'm just allergic to methadone and they don't believe me they think it's the supposed underlying moods coming through, which says how shit methadone is!
sorry the post is shit with lllllll and ddddddddd that was me falling asleep i left it in to make a point. that's what heroin does to me! makes me sleep! i wish methadone did too
That's crazy, that's about how I felt the other night. Heroin sounds awesome.
I am sorry, but it is your life Gleds. So much for serenity. Maybe heroin will be the higher power that you were seeking.
SJ: I've "typed" out shit like that so many times, falling asleep on the keyboard I thought for once I'd leave it in to show what happens! I had to take a lot of the aaaaaaaasssssssssddddddddddddds out because it sent the machine screwy! It was very good gear and I hadn't taken any for weeks. I took 2 bags in one which people don't generally do here, or at least didn't before the drought as a £10 bag was enough for a hit. In America they seem to use several at once but you wouldn't do that here. Someone told me it is stronger here (or was) whereas in the early/mid 90s NYC gear hovered around 60, 70% purity and higher! Do you see what I mean about how compelling it is, compared to what it actually does? Left me with nearly no life left it got so extreme which is why I still don't want heroin "back". I took it again from sheer desparation I didn't know how I was going to make it through the day I felt that bad
Syd: heroin is nowhere NEAR as strong as the natural high I was on not long ago that high was literally about 100 times stronger. Heroin isn't a higher power it's a lower one. It's powerful but it feels weak and it keeps you enslaved. At least my higher power released me. Which is more than heroin ever did. And which is why I want FREE of the "liquid handcuffs" as someone called methadone today. Methadone is even MORE addictive than heroin and worse for you in every way. They only give it to CONTROL people and keep the desperate. If they wanted people to be well they'd prescribe heroin as a matter of course. Just like they used to up until the early 70s
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