Gledwood Vol 2 (Main blog)

HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

LIVE FROM LONDON

Gledwoods deutscher Blog

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe) mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Alarm Clock Bird

MY BRAINS FEEL LIKE FRUIT SALAD this afternoon. I was awoken at maybe five o'clock this morning by a bird that had taken up position right beside my open window to do a fine impression of an alarm clock. Honestly I have never heard anything like this... and wrote out a long post about birds singing which will have to go in tomorrow when I've more time ...

What I did want to say today was about my links. The list grew by totally unstructured means, so there's no rhyme nor reason as to what seems to have ended up there. I am sorting them out. Having looked down who is and (more to the point) who is not there I was horrified at who I'd left out. And I apologize.

So just bear with me for a couple of days please and let me sort this out...

All this talk about cooking this week and finally I get to eat somebody else's. I'm off to Mother Hubbs's in a while for Sunday chicken dindins...

OK till tomorrow then ...

... except one question I'll leave with you. What bird could it have been that chirps so monotonously? Like it was saying "chicken-chicken-chicken-chicken-chicken-chicken-chicken" ...? This wasn't an alarm call like blackbirds' "don't-don't-don't" when the cat gets too near. The bird was many floors up and quite laid back about its "contribution" to the morning chorus. I thought it was perhaps a magpie... would I be right?

***

What was I thinking yesterday?

"Whoever they employed to plunk in the preset tunes was a mediocre nonEnglishspeaking person who had little feeling for the music and none at all for the lyrics ..."

That sounds terrible! Considering I spent about seven years of my life studying languages that I still do not speak to my satisfaction I come over like a right Brit monoglot. What I meant to say was something more like:

"Whoever they paid to plonk out the tunes was a mediocre musician with no feeling for the lyrics (which of course, we all sing along in our heads; or I know I do ...)"

Or something like that.

But what was that bird-???
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10 comments:

Deb said...

gled...try some of these.

3 June 2007 at 18:20
RUTH said...

I think it could be a PITA bird (Pain In The Arse)...lol I have crows outside my house...the noise they make is deafening!!!
Rx

3 June 2007 at 18:24
Audrey said...

LOL...Try finding that one in the observer book of birds Gledwood ( Ruths comment)

Thanks for visiting, I really enjoy reading your posts, will comment more often.

As for the bird, no idea,so I will go with Ruths new discovery..lol

Enjoy Sunday your lunch

3 June 2007 at 21:12
Jo said...

I must agree with Ruth.. PITA

Eight is enough you ask.. We think we have done enough to populate this country..lol I have 4 step children and then my husband went double of nothing and we had another 4. Eldest is 25 and youngest is 3

4 June 2007 at 06:27
Peaceful/Paisible said...

hello my dear friend...I'm back...life has been a bit difficult the past weeks...but I'm here for my faithful friends...thank you so much for not forgetting me...I'll read the posts in the days to come...but sorry to say, the Babel translation in French is very bad...the words are translated one by one litteraly ...You asked me...
may be that bird was coming from dream land the magic country...
coming back soon...
love from Mousie

4 June 2007 at 10:23
Liz Hinds said...

No idea about the bird. We have a blackbird who regularly sits on our roof and sings most beautifully. I tried to film him on my camera yesterday but don't know how to, so I was obviously pressing the wrong buttons as I just ended up with a photo. I will persevere!

4 June 2007 at 10:27
Anonymous said...

Debs those bird things are amazing! I'm putting their link on my tonight's post. Thanks!!

Yes Ruth it was definitely that!

Audrey: thanks it was delightful

LittleJen - all I can say is: wow!

Mousie: glad you're surviving. Thanks so much for getting in touch again.

Liz: do Youtube that blackbird if you can. Do you know I've no idea what a blackbird's ordinary song's like? I only know (as mentioned) that "Don't!-don't!-don't!-don't!" malarkey they chipchip out whenever the cat's on the prowl ... Love your flag by the way

4 June 2007 at 13:50
Anonymous said...

Liz... was trying to think up some advice but none I can give you will be any better than your own commonsense ... it's obviously the movie-camera logo you're after, or something equivalent ... sometimes these annoying things reset before you get the chance to start using them (that's when I call technology presumptuous) - highly annoying, I know!

4 June 2007 at 13:52
sandy said...

Well heck, how about a mockingbird...they do mimic and they drive me crazy sometimes around here..hey thanks for the visit..Glad you did, so I could remember to stop by...

I like your blog...sandy

5 June 2007 at 07:10
Anonymous said...

Sandy: the birds are aparently called Lyre Birds - they're all over the place in Melbourne, Aus

9 June 2007 at 19:42

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood