HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Mad, BAD, Dangerous to Sing

I was watching my music video blog just now.

I hate singers who mangle their words:

Michael Jackson's BAD

I mean, do you hear the same nonsense as me?

Your word is mine
Don't make it right
Just show your face
In broad daylight
I'm telling you
Gonna go after you
Don't catch your mind
Don't shoot to kill

Sham-aou! Sham-aou!
Tell me! Alright

I'm telling you
Gonna count to three
Just show your stuff
Don't let it be
I'm telling you
Just watch your mouth
I know you're clean
What you're about

And they say it's like a band
And to me it's near the tube
And my friend you can't say nothing
That's where you are and who

Because I'm bad! I'm bad! Sham-aou
You know I'm bad! I'm bad!
You know it
You know I'm bad I'm bad
Sham-aou
And the whole world has
To answer right now
Because I tell you once again
Who's bad

The word is out
You're doing Moron
Gone lock you up
Before too long
Your lying eyes
Don't make it right
So listen girl
Don't make a fight
Your talk is cheap
You're Niles's man
You're throwing stones
And you're a lamb

When they say it's like a million
And your maid is merely dhoop*
And my friend you half say nothing
Cause a-wave your arm is through

Because I'm bad! I'm bad!
Sham-aou

You know I'm bad! I'm bad!
You know it!

You know I'm bad you know

And the whole world has to answer right now
Because I tell you once again
Who's bad


*dhoop sticks are tiny joss-sticks used by hardcore hippies and native Indians because they're much stronger than the vulgar twiggy long versions

Does anyone know a more plausible version?
I think not.
I rest my case.
Put your anti-crap-singers messages in the comments box please.

ps here's a fansite's >>fairly<< plausible rendition of what Bad could be ...
CLICK HERE

***

Hang on~... how come everyone seems to know about my secret Fabulous Celebrity Blog ... it's only been online an hour and already three people have found it.

OK if you wanna go there click here

Actually what the hell I'm adding it to my profile as well.

Just be aware (1) it's intentionally trashy and (2) there's hardly anything there yet!

***

O I found out where the "hits" were coming from ~ Technorati searches, aparently. Wow that was quick. One hour online and already people are viewing the rubbish I posted up there. (Hardly candidate for Thinking Blogger Awards, I can tell you!)

13 comments:

Titania Starlight said...

Good post! :o)

Thank you for stopping by and commenting on my blog. Much appreciated.

gledwood said...

Glad you like it, Tats.

Come on! Somebody else! Insult Michael Jackson for me!!

gledwood said...

I was just thinking: is this the sign of the times? Me begging for insults to chuck at someone else? Surely a 1950s blogger wouldn't have been like this.

(Yeah, they used to blog on paper then, using an IBM manual typewriter and card-index comments system.)

OCD On A Stick said...

Sham-aou?!

I often wondered what he was saying here. Is it a weird sound effect or does it actually mean something?

Ha! Ha! 1950's bloggers. I had an older professor that would stop several times a semester to tell us about the old punch card computer systems. He would lament about how long it took the computer to do a computation and then the horror of dropping the huge box punch cards that was delivered as output.

Nicole said...

I can't stand Bob Dylan!!! Can't stand his music and most of all can't stand that constipated noise he makes and passes off as "singing".

Edyta said...

Gleds!
Now look at me:

I AM INSULTING MICHEAL JACKSON.

I did it for u :D

Gledwood said...

Thank you Edyta. More detail to the insults next time tho please!

Many thanks

Yes Nicole Bob Dylan is massively overrated. BIGtime I agree

OCD there's a guy on Brit TV who takes the PeePee out of Sham-aou

it's meant to be "come on" but Jacksonized.

Remember this is the guy who wanted a bunch of celebrities to sing "Shah-la - Shah-lingay" to We are the World and Quincy Jones cut it out.

Quincy Jones also (so I hear on the internet) cut out 20 tracks from MJ's Bad album. Did he spare us or deprive the world of 20 tracks of MJ's best entertainment?

zen wizard said...

The lyrics of this song, I feel, were a harbinger of "You Rocked My World," which was a good song musically but the chorus--

"You rocked my world, you know you did
And everything I own I give
The rarest love, who'd think I'd find
Someone like you to call mine
You rocked my world, you know you did
And everything I own I give
The rarest love, who'd think I'd find
Someone like you to call mine."

--doesn't flow or make sense.

The tense changes--"You rocked my world you know you did..."

..."and everything I own I give..."

And it really doesn't flow.

I am by no means a musical expert, but sometimes Michael's songs--like Stevie Wonder's--emphasize a strange word, like an article or a preposition. I can't remember which one now, but I swear there was a Stevie Wonder song which made the word "the" into two syllables and emphasized it and stretched it out.

I think sometimes egos get in the way and some of these guys should write something and then have some hack in the Brill Building or wherever REWRITE it--but try telling these guys that.

Jenny! said...

Michael Jackson has bigger problems than his songs!

Thanks for stopping by my blog!

Gledwood said...

Zen Wizard: I know the kind of thing you're talking about but I cannot think of specific illustrations either. Strange that somebody blind should have such an oversight with language ... but maybe we expect too much of cliches, know what I mean... Michael Jackson mangles his words up something chronic it is a scandal that such an internationally renowned singer should effectively be singing gobbledygook. And do you know what? I actually think he does it deliberately, to rise the song above the limitations of the mere English language ... well that's the only interpretation I can put on it ...

Jenny!: too true, too true!!

ania said...

Hah-Hah!

To see "Sham-aou! Sham-aou!" typed out as an actual lyrical phrase totally sent me into a cascade of giggles.

Too, too funny.

Thanks for the laugh....

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood