HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


Gledwoods deutscher Blog

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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, June 07, 2007


BEWARE: THIS IS A COOKING POST. This is the last time I'll talk about stew in any detail. I promise. I'm just too knackered to think of anything else ...

O I'M ALMOST TOO TIRED TO POST; was almost too tired to log in
(why did I come up with such complexicated usernames/passwords don't ask me I'm too tired) in this haze ... of bygone daze ... I'm not high ... blue is the sky ... I'm just tired ... very tired ... what rhymes with tired? Just about nothing useful so I'll drop the versification.

Been cooking beef stew (what's new?).

Got my kilo of annoyingly tinily cubed beef (well it annoyed the butcher & he took ages dicing it) ... then spied Mr Brown's Jamaican curry spices at £1 a 150g pop so I went for that and had a go at cooking my old way which is add spices directly to oil and brown beef in curryspice. This worked a treat and is definitely worth doing, I can now vouch. Tiny diddy baby potatoes, loads of okkra (gumbo to you Yanxx), courgettes (zucchini/zuchini/whateverIdon't even know how2 pronounce that word), 2 old sprouting carrots (but still edible - well (duh!) I wouldn't have... wotevea... urm. What else? O, this is always fried first ie the meat (in curry spices) then meat removed and garlic and onions added - onions! that was it!! - then mushrooms then the courgettes/zuchini if you can be bothered. But you cook it in a slow cooker or big saucepan over low/medium heat for 2-3 hours (I always do 3) herbs go on the chopped tomatoes. I use celery salt instead of boring normal salt. My Maggi "liquid seasoning" made an appearance today. When I summon the energy I'm off to get either dumpling mix or self-raising flower uh? flour and I might even be totally sacreligious and try and make 'em with marge rather than Attora suet. Well I think I've given enough details yet again as if anyone wants 3 versions of the same stew recipe but trust me it does come out genius. And I'm more inclined to like the cookery of others, not my own. So the fact that my stew is superior to all others testifies that despite lifelong self-esteem issues I can actually cook if I can't do nothing else.






gotta get dumplings



is this like Ulysees? A stream of crap?

Sorry consciousness. Only speaking for myself.

Do you know I did actually write out the beginnings of a poast for today but am too weary to be bothered tidying it up for "publication" ...

so there I'll leave you.

If you want a blog recommendation: this one seems to be written by an eight year old Portuguese boy (it's not in English but the photos speak for themselves). OK! Bye!

O my brains!






Gledwood said...

Was my post really so boring? It feels very boring and repetitious

gledwood said...

note to self: do not leave stupid messages up again

i thought a real human being had actually read that post and replied just then

Naomi Joy said...

oh my! that is so very funny! hehehe tricking urself and getting all excited for nothing eh?!

Nicole said...

I am never tired of cooking posts!

Edyta said...

coooking postssss! me likes! (when someone else cooks for me, that is :D) hehe!
Gleds! I am ~1,73, if u needed to know. now seriously, why did u wanna know? :D i have no idea

gledwood said...

Because over that height you can be a MODEL!

if u r at all interested in that you should find out about it now

why not?

Gledwood said...

Naomi: I don't get that ..??...??...??

Nicole: not even beef stew three times?

RUTH said...

Words to rhyme with tired;
fired, hired, retired, wired, acquired, admired, conspired, desired, inquired, inspired, rehired, required, rewired, transpired,unexpired, uninspired
Tired myself now!

gledwood said...

i must've been tired!

gledwood said...

got into a silly spat with someone called ether bunny on raymi's blog. i will tell the details tomorrow

but this:


is url for a map of new york state including toronto

Deb said...

uninspired (to rhyme with tired). Wired.

I love the way you describe your stews...not boring at all. You have a way with words that makes it all sound good.

Zoo-kee-nee. That's how we say it.

And I've seen Maggie's over here.

Sarah said...

Hi Gledwood! Sorry I've not posted here in awile. Despite being vegetarian your meal sounds very yummy. I'm gonna try adding my spices right into the frying oil. Hope you are well! I'm gonna keep reading and see what else you've been up to!

salve said...

might try your beef stew. we don't cook beef stew a lot here, only sinigang(sour soup)

Zhu said...

Hi there !

Thanks for coming on my blog earlier... now can you please teach me Cantonese ? ;)

Cooking post. I'm starving. How did you read my mind ??? Only thing is, my chances to find jamaican spices in Ottawa at 10 pm are very thin is non-existent. And I don't like meat that much anyway.

Mind if I stick to Nutella ? ;)

RAFFI said...

knackered, tired, exhausted, burnt, drained, weary, beat, worn-out, shot, run-down, spent, done in, outta gas, prostrated, frazzled, etc.

dood, i'm tired too.

Satya said...

I would love if you insist on Vegetarian Cooking

gledwood said...

hi everyone... lots of vegetarians out there... used to cook vegetarian stews for years now I'm hooked on beef I'm afraid!

Queenie said...

My mouths watering, so if your to tired to eat it shove the plate over here...

gledwood said...

i'd email it to you if only it didn't come out sploshed everywhere the other end ...

RUTH said...

Hi Gleds; with all you new cooking skills you may like this site.

Gledwood said...

Ta Ruth: if it's any good I'll add it to my cookery links

Gledwood said...

o wow I like this. This will be my recommendation of the day!

Liz said...

You can't use marg; you must use Atora! Dumplings made with marg are rubbish!

I didn't know okra was gumbo.

Sounds really good and yummy. Must go eat.

gledwood said...

Sarah: I got the spices in oil tip from an Indian. Only thing is you must keep oil to a medium heat otherwise spices burn. But even if you do use high heat and spices do burn a bit it's ok probably they just go a bit weaker. I think it gets the spices more into the mix, esp if you're frying onions or even more so with mushrooms that just sop up frying oil

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Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood