HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Monday, June 04, 2007

Czech Dictionary Test Post

I'VE NO IDEA WHY: but Google Blogger Blogspot Bloodclot whatever they call themselves have recommenced requiring a check-word (or should I spell that a Czech-word) because most of them seem to originate from the Czech dictionary) whenever I attempt a post today.

And when I was last logged on and attempted a test post earlier, although the random letters were accepted and my post joined the index of previous posts - somehow it never actually got published in my blog at all! I've absolutely no idea why. But am attempting again.

Here we go...

***

OK: no idea what happened there but. Ta-daaa!!

***

How frustrating when cybernautical things fail to work! It's like shouting into a hexadecimal black hole ... where no-one can hear you scream...!

Google, do, after all, have the majority of Planet Earth's 70,000,000 or so blogs under their "auspices". So it's no wonder the odd little hiccup occurs.

I just find it annoying that this attempted security springs from inbuilt presumption that my intermittently liberal sprinklings of links (which involve publishing a post, leaving it, looking up the next url, re-entering, highlighting and adding and publishing again: maybe twenty or more times in as many minutes) somehow point to some porn-or-spam (or both) dodginess on my part. When, in all actuality, all I was trying to do was fasten The Secret of Spiggy Holes book review to my last Enid Blyton reminiscence ... Nowt more sinister than that, I'm afraid ...

Okay, okay! Let's see how I get on now!

***

Published fine (unlike earlier) ... but still am obliged to enter "vjqwj" before setting my babble free upon the world. What a conundrum ... (the letters? or their reason for being there ..??) ...

15 comments:

RUTH said...

Weird Gleds....strange things happen in Blogworld!

gledwood said...

very annoying too!

electropie said...

as long as it does not happen to my blog, it's funny. hehe :P

gledwood said...

har har thanks a lot electroplonky!

Nicole said...

I remember writing something about Enid Blyton a few posts ago somewhere in the comments but I don't know if it was on my blog or yours. I think it was about the Magic Faraway tree but I can't remember and really this comment hasn't much purpose then. I really wish that I could get email notification when someone answers a comment. I know it works on my own blog but not when you leave comments on others.

Gledwood said...

o no it doesn't ... i tried to get a comment back I left on raymi the minx's blog about american money ... she did look for me but came up with another post with money in the picture ... really hard to find such stuff sometimes

i only wanted it back as i thought it was a particulary witty & succinct rant of mine!

Gledwood said...

Nicole btw you did leave that comment on mine I plainly remember it ... let me have a look ...

*rose* said...

Hi...how about you? My name is Rose and my Rose's Diary was created to my family knows where i was...but today is only a space to some comments. Do you like "Chaves"? smiles...My english is so bad, so sorry....ahhh e tks for your visit and you email.

kisses

rose

Gledwood said...

Bom dia, Rose!

(is that correct?)

Wayward Son said...

Hi Gleds. The word check, or what ever they call, it prevents cyber robots from leaving comments on a blog. Some anonymous or not so anonymous comments are programs that scan blogs for keywords and then leave a scripted comment that is meant to get the reader to click back, thus garnering the robot sender a click and pay reward or a visit to a commercial blog by an unsuspecting community blogger—all without ever having a real person read your blog and offering up an honest opinion or sincere wish.

It gets annoying but having one's blog flooded with those types of comments are even more annoying. It's just another form of spam. Original thought must be protected. Otherwise, people will cease to read the threads left on blogs if they have to weed through the comments designed to trick them into going somewhere uninteresting or to a place to get the money that none of us really have. But we do have valuable time that these little buggers are happy to waste.

Hope all is well otherwise.

WS

Gledwood said...

Hi Waywards I only just got ur comment just now... i never realized commenting was so fraught with complications... how can you get paid per click? well ads get paid per click. i know you're not allowed to ask ppl to click them... but if you DO the person who put them up gets may be - WOO 10 or 15 cents!! (per click)...

i will have to reread and digest your info bc my brain feels like a venus flytrap's stomach at the moment. i.e. if you put a piece of cheese in it it will die

Gledwood said...

o btw it's still doing it 2day

that annoying czech dictionary thing

gledwood said...

& it's STILL doing it today ... but the words have softened a bit, plumped up with vowels... some pan-slavic drift towards Polish perhaps

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood