HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Dumplings and Sheer Exhaustion/Paris Punished/Horrible Google Listing

THIS POST COMES LATE IN THE DAY for Saturday I'm well aware. What little there is to tell that doesn't boil down (so to speak) to beef stew. Just kidding:

Or am I?

No, I had a crack at making dumplings this afternoon, using just selfraising flour and margarine. I did attempt this the other day. Glutinous balls was the result.

This time (and this was really the only difference) I made sure the margarine was hotter and the dumplings not pressed while they rolled. Man! They rose like the dawn sun! Came out almost crispy and dry in the middle (but not floury). I can't explain but they were almost like little crutons growing out of the stew. Quite pleasant.

I'm not, actually, sure what dumplings are supposed to be like. And I was not going to buy beef suet just to make them with either ...

If anyone has answers, please tell me!

***

WELL apart from dumplings - what is it with me? That I should constantly be so exhausted. Sleeping. Deeply sleeping. Yet still unable to pick myself up afterwards. And it doesn't feel like the old "too much sleep makes you tired" clanger. It's more like too much tired makes me sleep. That's how it feels to me ...

***

PARIS HILTON'S GONE BACK TO JAIL! How I scoffed and cawed at that one. Making horrible remarks about her all over people's comments (which was hypocritical actually, in the light of what I posted yesterday - because she IS a living human being). But hey!

This comment
I left at Deb's blog puts my feelings most succinctly:

She's back in to be punished again, last I heard. I'm so glad.
Let her out. What? So she can sit at home under "house arrest" snorting lines of coke, watching DVDs and calling all her friends. I don't think so. Would they let an unemployed black woman have the same liberties just because she "broke down"..? I don't think so. No! Paris deserves to serve every second of her sentence. Definitely no early release. That will pay her back for doing The Simple Life!!


I did however feel slightly sorry for her when I woke up just now.

(I slept between about eight o'clock and midnight. How inconvenient.)

***

Well I'm having a passable weekend. Hope y'all are too ....

***

o no! look what my google listing says about me now:

Gledwood Vol 2oh my god Gledwood, you're a retard. no wonder you're american. why are you so sheltered? go look at an atlas. quit being a trashy, bible thumping, ...
gledwood2.blogspot.com/ - 9 Jun 2007 - Similar pages


***

Right I'm off. Till tomorrow!

***

PS: Last but not least here's my blog recommendation for the day -

Crystal at Night by Whitecrystal, a Vietnamese girl in Malaysia. Unique point of view. And very funny!

12 comments:

Annelisa said...

:-) The quest for peace is never over, Gledwood, and making a peaceglobe now is definately not too late! I happen to know that Mimi's still doing the rounds, as am I, looking for globes we missed, and I also know quite a few have posted them over the last few days ... better late than never!!

So, If you do one, then sign the Mr Linky thing at Mimi's or mine, and one of us'll be along to check you out! :-D

(of course, we could check you out anyhow...?)

Ehm... did I come here before?

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Gledwood,

Congratulations on the dumplings...we'll make a house bitch of you yet...heheh!

As for Paris...quite right she's back inside and to serve the original 40 days. Why should she not, just because she's rich? That judge knows a spoilt rich kid when he sees one and he's on my Christmas card list.

BTW...try stewing some apples...sliced, a little water, sugar...when almost cooked, put some dumpling mixture on top of that...really yummy. And that's a winter dessert from when I was a kid (a loooong time ago).

Enjoy your weekend.

Tea & Margaritas in My Garden said...

Hi Gledwood,

I`ve never tried making dumplings so I don`t have a clue. And I`ve gone and posted at a weird hour too. But oh well, who says being a bit weird isn`t a good thing :)
I agree...Paris definately should do the time anyone else would have to do. Sure don`t envy her in there though. Money seems to talk, but maybe it didn`t this time eh?

tea
xo

Edyta said...

Hey,
COOKERY AGAIN! WEEEE! I am just crazey abt it.
Paris? Oh pah-lease... i dont wanna say anything mean. I just dont like her. I think she is too vain & pompous. Yup, yup :)
oh & btw there are a lot of malays back in my blog. THEY R AWESOME! They r funny & veeeery veeery optimistic. I just feel a lot better after having a chit chat with them. It sometimnes seems to me that actually everywhere ppl are happier except here :D LOL!
Hope you've been doing great!

CG said...

Oh, I love dumplings! Yours sound nice!

Kahshe Cottager said...

Try this:

2/3 cup of all purpose flour
1 tablespoon snipped parsley
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup milk
2 tablespoons cooking oil

Mix all dry ingredients in a bowl. Combine milk and oil and then pour into flour mixture. Stir with a fork until just combined. Drop from a tablespoon into bubbling stew. Cover and simmer for 10-12 minutes without lifting cover. Test with a toothpick - when it is clean, they're ready to serve.

This one works every time for me!


Kudos to the judge for sending Paris back to serve out her sentence. That must be a shock to her and her ilk!

gledwood said...

Kahshe: I will try that!

Gledwood said...

CG: but Liz says I have to use real suet... I will definitely try your recipe though... can I do it with wholemeal flour? I was wondering if I can get wholemeal self-raising, but you just told me how much bicarb to add. Many thanxx

Edyta: Paris is a vulgar nothing

Margaritas: yes Paris's time should be just as hard as everyone else. American Justice! You just dug yourself out of a tight spot. (Justice, not Paris.)

Boots: I am reserving your recipe for later. I shall start a cooking blog one of these days

Anna: (every time I try and spell out your name I get it wrong, also it is half hidden behind the title I hate it when that happens to me) OK Peace I don't know what to say about it.... I saw the mr linky thing but what does it do..? ok let me find out

Serr8d said...

Hey, saw your comment on my Paris Post. Who followed you but the (in)famous Mullah Cimoc! (Note the spelling) (put it in reverse...)

That's the most comments I've had in a while. Must be the photochop...or the smell of Paris, cooking!

(Dumplings? Man, be for real. There's rules and etiquette for Men Cooking, and the result is BBQ.)

Goes like this:

1. The woman buys the food.

2. The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand. Here comes the important part:

4. THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

5. The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.

6. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.

7. THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

8. The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and brings them to the table.

9. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. And, Most Important of All:

10. Everyone PRAISES THE MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

Works for me...
;D

Gledwood said...

SERR8D - you're dead right .. all this goes without saying anyhow!!

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood