HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Monday, June 04, 2007

Birdsong, George Michael, Links

My friend Debs found me these BBC clips of garden birds singing. Click on the link, and you'll get a chart of our most common birds over here. Click beneath the picture and that bird's song sings out! How fantastic is that!?!

Anyway: here's my original birdsong post

THE HOUR IS EARLY: our local birds' rather flimsy dawn chorus has just ended. Either they're down in numbers because their babies have yet to be born (stop press: which actually isn't true - it's June already!); or the entire musical fantasia was drowned out by some mockingbird pretending to be an alarm clock right beside my open window. I don't know. But the full-on dawn chorus, hundreds of feathered troubadours trilling their tiny beaks off is quite something to experience. They say British birds sing the best in the world. Which statement strikes me as slightly dodgy. why, when most of these songbirds' ranges extend throughout Northern and Central Europe should their British cousins put on a better show than anywhere else? Perhaps possibly the precise mix of species here produces a somehow superior spice of song? Or more likely, somehow, methinks, this idea got into my head thanks to a BBC announcer's jingoistically scripted wildlife documentary woodworming its way into the brains of my youth:

Britannia still rules the airwaves, chaps! We broadcast our birdsong across the globe!

My friend Mother Hubbard returned fomr a six-week trip to Melbourne Australia a couple of years back with tales of parrots on back porches and exotic car alarm birds. I'll never forget in my teens receiving family video from my rels in Sydney. Man! The shrilling, cawing, whooping, drop-dropping and trilling (far slower than a British garden trill and seemingly five octaves deeper) all sounded to me like a rainforest garden come alive in the suburbs of New South Wales. Amazing! I'd no idea Aussie birds sounded like that! I think maybe my "alarm clock bird" has relations Down Under too. I admit I listened to its monotone for ages thinking "What is this?" Till finally I realized it was a mimicked song ... duh!!

RECENTLY I REALIZED MY LINKS are in total disarray. I'm talking about my blogging links more than anything. Now I must explain that most (in fact nearly all) people I contact on a frequent basis: I know their URLs by heart - or else I click their commnets and find them that way. Which has resulted in the faintly horrifying situation of some people I know and like very much appearing nowhere at all. And yet blogrolls of folks, some of whom I know barely at all are permanently posted beside my daily words!! These links were composed on whims weeks back and yet despite htese gargantuan lists, some people I like very much appear nowhere at all! I sincerely apologize aobut this. One thing I must say is this: there's no snobbery here. If you want to be listed
- in whatever category - just ask me and I'll put you down. Also, if you know any good sites, I'm always on the lookout for these, whether they be great photoblogs, suicide prevention sites or whatever ... Originally I was blogging elsewhere and built up a huge roll of drugs awareness stuff. Then I came to Blogger and, not knowing how properly to arranage my sidebar until two weeks or so ago - literally none of this stuff's been transferred the way it was always intended to be. Please bear with me on this. I seem to live between bedbound depressions and the rest of it and anything that does not fit inside my hugely restrictive routines I find very difficult to engage with at all at times. I can't explain the hows and whys I'm afraid.

But basically, as long as I make it to the end of each day; I think I've reason enough to be happy!


WHAT PLANET IS GEORGE MICHAEL living on? In an interview with our highest-selling newspaper's colour magazine, News of the World: Sunday

to the question

You finish touring in July so is a summer (gay) wedding on the cards?

He replies:

"When this tour is over and everything has died down we can think about that. Like me, Kenny wants our day to be special. I'd take no pleasure in entering a civil partnership if there was any publicity around it."

O! George! Come on!! You choose to continue a carer in the music industry and continue to affect distain for any publicity - which is an absolute contradiction in terms as far as I'm concerned. George, if you genuinely feel this way, take my straightforward advice and do not publicize your wedding by mentioning it in mass-market interviews!

Then - diddums - you won't have to worry about upsetting yourself later on ...


Deb said...

gled...I agree with the George Michael thing. Lay low and don't divulge info if you honestly feel that way.

I've followed up with birds on my blog after reading about and being reminded of the lyre bird on this post. When you get a chance, go check it out.

Edyta said...

I soooooo agree with the George Micheal thingie. Keep publicity away for crying out load. Ok. now's the time to thank God he's only gay not a pedophile. May haps he'd have pics published of him & his baby bride/groom.
OK FREAKY. Ignore my comment :D

gledwood said...

actually the groom's pretty much the same age and doesn't look like a "yes George 3 bags full George" person - quite oddly

unlike Elton John's "squeeze", David Furnish who always looks kind of surprised to be having his picture "papped" ...

Queenie said...

You are so right about George, what is happening to this man?
Gled, love this post, bird songs are great to wake up to and I'm not even cross if it is only 4.30am.

RAFFI said...

birds make me chirp. i guess george michael's careless whisper about his wedding will get soem atttention, maybe he should write a song called 'i want your paparazzi'

Queenie said...

Hi, me again. May I say how fantasticlly cool your blog is looking.

gledwood said...

aw, fanks darlin'!

*rose* said...

Hi again too. Tks for your comment, i put babelfish in my page...so you can read my blog in english now...smiles* In the next weekend i will have time to read (with care) your blog.



Gledwood said...

Thanks Rose!

Kahshe Cottager said...

Thanks for dropping in to my blog and saying hello! Waking to birdsongs at 4:30 in the morning is a sure sign of spring here! Last week at the cottage we woke to the usual songbirds but this time they were accompanied by Canada geese and wild turkeys ~ I closed the window! lol What a racket!

Gledwood said...

Geese can be EXCEEDINGLY raucous!

Gledwood said...

Raffi sorry 4got to reply to yours "I want your paparazzi"? Yeah probably. In his early years he was just a normal pop star. Then he got this precious thing going not even "I want to be credible" but "I already AM!!" yawn, George. Big, big YAWN!! I'm not at all interested in his music... not that I ever actually was ... well there we are then ...

Gledwood said...

message to self: put this in links:


because it didn't for some reason go last time

Merle said...

Hi Gledwood ~~ I agree about George Michael - he likes the publicity.
I enjoyed some of the bird sounds =
we have a lot of blackbirds and sparrows around her. You should hear our kookaburra - it sounds like a great big laugh and is most unusual.Thanks for your comments about the Breast Cancer thing - and I do hope your mother stays well. I had BC 28 years ago and have been very lucky.I liked The Thorn Birds too, There was a mini series years ago and it was great. Richard
Chamberlain was the priest and Rachel Ward was Meggie. She is
married to Aussie Bryan Brown and
lives here now. Take care, Merle.

*rose* said...


I loved your portuguese comment...smiles, i'm happy because you found the babelfish button and can to read some posts. Ahhh and tks a lot for your suggestion!!

Take care


ps - Chaves is so cool, but only in english or spanish, you can see him in the youtube...can you understand spanish?

Nicole said...

I like that bird page! Speaking of bird sounds... we have a Galah parrot in Adelaide and he speaks. You should have seen the fun when Vincent's parents were there and his dad was looking around the garden and the cocky just said out of nowhere: HELLO! Vincent's dad jumped about 5 feet. It was hillarious.

Anonymous said...

Hey thanks for the add! He's such a great spokeperson!

Gledwood said...

Merle: I only just found out what a blackbird sounded like. Now I'm looking for nightingale and lark. I'm pretty sure we had a nightingale local to us. Something sang spectacularly from the back of the house!

Rose: no - sadly Spanish and Portuguese are the two languages I really have cause to learn! I come across them so very frequently.

Nicole: galahs - they might be the thing Mother Hubbs was on about. She said they did the most wondrous car alarm impersonations. Which kind of makes the idea of a car alarm somewhat redundant, doesn't it?

Ipoz: hmmm

Gledwood said...

this is the 2nd one i wanna feature 2nite

2 different lives


brit (?) girl international romance marries and starts new life in aus!

Gledwood said...

ok & this is one more. a s.e. asian one with some extremely kitch photos on


Tea & Margaritas in My Garden said...

Hi Gled,

Love the sound of birds singing.
I think George actually loves the publicity....any kind.
I`ve done without the margaritas too for a bit. Tequila is so darn expensive.


gledwood said...

What are you drinking instead?

gledwood said...

o that's such a typical comment from a drinker: what are you drinking instead? why should you be drinking anything instead?

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Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood