1729 hours precisely. And it and I am both calm at the same time.
I was goinggoingoingoingoing going GOING! until just ONE single minute ago. Now I feel calm, like ADHD on speed, like a kid on speedweed peed haha.
Yeah man I know I know I still GO-GO.
I've got to go outside. I don't want to. But it's not safe here, somebody is going to take me away because I phoned someone. NO! Not the police. Not an ambulance. No no no. I'm staying here until I break into so many smithereens I'm not left to retrieve how long will that be ja think?? I don't know go go go. Go outside. I have to go outside.
I'm off. It's not safe in here. Somebody will take me away. I'm losing everything anyway. Might as well ************** ************** ************ [I had to delete something i cant say everything i think or you'll think the worst] it wasn't suicide i was talking about it was something else
am i really so inconsiderate? I try to be considerate at a good rate 8.
o man man manananana
i keep losing money losing thingsi have lost itititi it lost it.
i have lost it
i can concentrate but it is so very hard it's easier to imagine i'm dictating very slowly then i can put down every word in one bit piece
in one bit
there is nothing wrong with me
i feel absolutely clear headed
And NOT stoned, as ... I'm not.
this is so confusing, but i have to go outside because it's not safe i'm leaving the lights on
do you think that happened so intense because of half a cup of coffee? I suddenly dropped 2 stages low in one second and felt it, then i went higher without knowing it, then i decided to get in touch to find out my appointment time but i don't trust them at all
so i have to go outside. anyway before now when i can at least think english even with difficulty i lost it so much i was just thinking noise then i tried to speak french in my head and got voulez vous coucher avec moi and je prendrai l'eurostar a paris i don't know why my head really went went ent broke up very upupupupupUP UP UP i don't feel up i feel sideways i have to calm down and stay up how do you do that?
somebody made me laugh, saying "prostitute" i thought that is a good one
only sensible person in a brothel is the one leaving with more money they came in with in my book
and keeping their clothes ON. you can do that by owning a brothel. or doing whiplash come to think of it i knew people into that its for bored middleaged losers sorry but ... well that was them, this is now. she was going to be a domino
pleasa please pretty pretty please pleas
i have to go whhy am i posting myself when i dont' exist i dont geddit im losing everything anywaynothing is important to me that is self reliance rely on nothing and no-one that is how you do it
cant rely on myself i cant even keep money keys self in same place i'm going out and hiding i don't trustustustusut i don't trust anyone these days
i don't care any more who gives a shit about what i put itittttt itt itt itt itt tit tittt titter bitter litter embitter embalm calm CALM see you can find peace eventually. unless it's just peas spelt wrong. y'see?
The egotism of shyness - A few posts ago I wrote about feeling responsible for killing people. I realised today that I blame myself for many things. Most things. To be honest quite...
5 hours ago