VALERIE, HOUSEWIFE FRENCH-MANICURED BOUFFANTED CHINA WHITE HEROIN PRODUCER AND TRAFFICKER EXTRAORDINAIRE IS GIVING ADVICE TO POOR ANNA GRACE IN MIDDLE AMERICA. ANNA IS IN LOVE! HERE'S THE NEWS:
January 27, 2011 6:09 PM
Are you sure you want a photo of that motherfucker? He's ugly as sin. Turned up to our halloween party I said "oh what an imaginative costume!" as I irritably answered the door (presses the doorbell 300 times in 2 mins that one) then the bastard points to this enormous sports bag and says "nah this is just me, costume's in here" and it was. I had in me violet contact lenses so I couldn't see clear but it was him. Ugly as fuck, you know!
Now babes what is wrong with you? Obsessing over that idiot in London. I'm sending you over 2 pots of dilaudid so you can forget all about him. I know you prefer the lovely neat stuff my drugs lab in Western Aus cooks up. This one's particularly yummy. I've got some weirdo Panda Brand heroin I'm trying to get rid of. This one "makes everything look sparkly" and gives severe diarrhoea. Do you know anyone who'd like a couple of keys. I know 2kg is barely worth couriering over but seriously I could do with every penny I can get at the moment.
Locked up in this dive, it's awful. Ho Ling's in a piss with me. It's to do with her vagina-cum-stashbox as usual. She wants more and more of that yummy 999 Brand we're currently on. Double UO Globe's out till your Mr Kim's finished doing his job on that 100kgs brown.
Magic Monkey is going like wildfire across the north of this country. Rabbit brand, that's the crap. We send that to Tasmania. They're all crazy down there anyhow. New Zealand is currently on Stripper Brand. Stripper is a new one I invented with Ho Ling's legs in fishnets. I spent ages sketching the artwork before passing it to me lawyer. My lawyer is the only legal representative I know who also arranges artwork on 1.4kg heroin bricks!
Now where was I going with this. Oh that scummy Gledwood. Please darling be careful with that one. There's more to that muddy puddle than meets the eye, I'm sure of that. He's only fun on drugs or that potty mental condition of his.
Oh shit I've got to go, Ho Ling's bashing Trish over the head with a dinner tray. Must I play headmistress every day?
Screws don't mind me using the Blackberry at dinnertime now. Everybody knows I'm Queen B in here so I walk along using me mobile phone in front of everyone, slap Lynn, our Pocket Warder on the arse and call the Governor "Darling". The girls think I'm wonderful!
Oh shit, really gotta go. Ho Ling's just done Trish with a fork and there's blood...
... take care baby. Keep away from scum!
It was Christmas eve in a war zone - I just about managed to rise this morning but shining is still a long way off. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I had my usual stress dream last night....
8 hours ago