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Valerie said...
Anna, Sweetness
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Listen honey you're doing that poor little mite Gledwood's head in here. Every fucking message that tosser writes comes up on MY blackberry now how wires got that badly crossed I haven't a clue, now it won't stop chirping at me all hours like a deranged cicada!
Well it's all news from here in Sydney Women's Punishment Centre. We're being punished so severely we're off our tits on China White and Crack. Constantly. At least I am, as I'm the Fucker in charge here.
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Now Baby on to your shit. Honey you're back using again; shit happens.
Are you really unhappy about it? Or just unhappy being slammed for telling us?
January 24, 2011 6:54 PM
Valerie said...
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Plus it gives us REALLY WELL EDUCATED kids: they're fluent in Chinese!
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Thanks for the six kilos Colombia's best Poppy Power. I'll reimburse ya with 10 units 999 or Double Lion, take ya pick. 10 units is seven keys so I'm giving you one extra honey-buns.
Your Mr Kim is doing extraordinarily well, pottering innocently about in that minefield-protected hut, humming incomprehensible Singaporean Chinese pop songs as he effortlessly transforms dodgy H3 into yummy A Grade China White Heroin!
I've had a little taste. A few tastes even and darling: Best Batch we've had in ages!
Thank you so much.
And re that $25 million US don't worry. I'm 17 million euros better off thanks to a little scheme I'd better not get too into here. Something to do with an Ecstasy Factory in a former Soviet Republic making an absolute fortune for ME ME ME ME ME!!!
They don't call me Queen of E for nothing (let alone China White!!)
Now I'm off for fucking lunch with 3 bitches who hate me. Something to do with my having gone for one with a certain sawn-off domestic implement and having told the other two they'd wait for later.
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Now Anna post some delicious details of your funky life. For me. For that fucker Gledwood if you have to. For yourself to "say where you've been" as Gledster puts it. (Been in too much counselling that one: know that bullshit when I hear it.)
Now on with the story Sweet Pea. On with the story. On on on.
WE'RE WAITING!!
xOxOxOx
January 24, 2011 6:54 PM
6 comments:
Write a book for gods's sake,this is so funny..let it out.
Who are you calling funny? I'm a highly serious respectable housewife with 2 kids. Who fair enough live next door as Brucey and I can't bear them spoiling our crack buzz but there you go...
Hi Val,
I missed your last post.
Gledwood should let you post more often!
Why don't you & Anna open a new blog?
You're too much fun to be locked away.
Oh tell me about it Dearest, this is an awful hole. But having been imprisoned in several "exotic" Asian countries in the early part of my prostitution/drugs career (drug production came later) I can't really complain.
For one thing unlike Thailand I'm not locked in a single animal-cage, zoo-style with 300 other bitches.
Singapore is just weird. You don't get Chinese takeaway in China. India... don't even go there. O man for some reason they put me in the lunatic section. Imagine waking up with a hyper-religious sari girl trying to scrape out ya third eye. I smacked her one and she flew into the door like a ragdoll. Indian screws are dead cool. Buy 'em a Mcdonald's happy meal and they're yours. McDonalds was just outside and round the corner. I know because I ate McDonalds every day. Except for days 1, 2 and 29 (29 was a BAD DAY)... then out on day 40. 40 days in Indian jail is a LONG time honey.
Well thanks for the thumbs up. I'm off to bash two bitches' heads together.
And screws are "prison officers" as I believe we're supposed to call them.
It's the gov'nor I'm truly pals with. Brings in me drugs that one does. Lovely little grapefruit-sized packages of heroin, crack cocaine, assorted downers... and whacko-psychedelic ecstasy shit for Sunday afternoons!
If Anna lets me blog with her I will but she's so weary these days. I think that one's a bit lost in the heroin y'know... sad to see. I mean not that I do't take it and sell it but fucking hell when it fucks up your friends it's a bit sad. ANNA WAKE UP! And post some yummy details about your life. If anyone dares comment disapprovingly I'll get 'em shot dead for ya, so no worries darling.
OK I gotta fly. Bitch headbutting the door. Wants 3 rocks crack and 7 pieces china white
Val,
You are too much. Just can't help but love to.
You are the funniest girl EVER!
I hope your term is real short,cause you need to do more blogging. You're one helluva lady!
j.
Honey I'm out now, cracking it 24/7 in my own home once again.
And that Brucey is riding that lawnmower like crazy. Bare arse naked as ever.
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