20:20 DOES MY BODY ACTUALLY REMEMBER how much I drink? Why does "it" want one more now? Does "it" know I usually take 2? Is it just me? I've been drinking for 10 years between 7.5 units (75mls) and 22.5 units (225mls neat alcohol) that's 2-6 half litre 7.5% vol white cyder cans.
20:52 I'm on Smirnoff Ice vodka-cloudy lemonade 4% vol 700mls which is 2.8 units 28mls alcohol and it is much nicer than the "gutrot" I was on before. Also I can water this at will with cans of cloudy lemonade. (Huge bottles I will probably just glug through, I know me.)
I came in from the shop met the nice guy downstairs who told me he hears voices (I don't care if he's a nutter; so am I!) also it's an alliance against the people who hate me here, so it's important. We also give each other money. Both ways. I like this guy. He was on "white" (crack) running between crack houses. Doesn't even smoke a spliff now. Is still hyper and I know someone on drugs he ain't on drugs. He struck me as "mental health" the second I first saw him.)... I was in a good mood, With a rush I used to get from drugs. Hey at least this means I've not burned out my brains on all these chemicals. Otherwise I'd not be ABLE to feel good...
Gotta run: Iceland's best cauliflower cheese in oven!
22:33 NA Basic Text p294 ("What Makes Me Happy Now") Japanese woman shares about NA in Japan:
Many women shared how drugs were a good thing for them, until their using became unmanageable. I didn't understand this until the new translation. These woman also had a hard time with the word "recover". In Japanese "recover" means "to go back to the way you used to be." Surviviors of abuse don't want to go back to the way they used to be. In recovery, they want to move on and grow. People who had nothing to start with were afraid that they really had nothing to recover...
And THAT, my friends, is what put me off stopping for ever such a long time. I had nothing to come back TO.
Read Shane's post about a heroin drought (2001) for the truth on the attitude of drug clinics to the Truly Desperate ...
187 LOCKDOWN: GUNMAN
Thanks Lizzy (spelled correctly this time)
I like this
SNEAKER PIMPS: SPIN SPIN SUGAR (ARMAND'S DEEP GARAGE MIX)
for Melody
"We are E" means the same as Urban Shakedown's Some Justice "we live as one family"... we're all together, all as one, on this brilliant stuff E for Ecstasy. Which lived up to its name with me, I thought it was fantastic, more fantastic than anything before or since ...
LENNY DE ICE: WE ARE IE (GARAGED UP)
one more for garage-lovin' Melody
LENNY DE ICE: WE ARE IE (ORIGINAL 1990)
WE ARE IE (HIJACK MIX)
WE ARE IE (CASPA & RUSKO MIX)
Illustrated: bolt cutters ~ I need these to cut through my drinking obsession ....
9 comments:
Hi, Gleds. Thinking of you. x
Thanks
+ woof wowoof! (to Simi)
xs
hi
u sound good. u sound pretty "together" thats good
shopping, cooking, eating, cleaning
massive progress innit?
so many head miles in 2 weeks.
so pleased and also pleased u mentioned on-line N.A. as 2 far 2 travel 2 nearest.
went to tonights meeting
and dint bother calling dealer for"any crap that runs brown/orange/red on the foil"
(2 x rohypnol o.d.'s in this small town this weekend. both thought they were injecting "gear")
anyway laptop threatning 2 shut me up so i b quick.
i know its only first night but i feel very hopeful.
u have done real well 2 break free that beast.
u can break free of any other
x
It's a fucking bastard of a beast as well. I always felt like I was fighting with myself, not just someone else. As I was a willing participant throughout my gear-using. Not a "victim" a willing user!!
Yeah I did a bit. I had a shave at ten to midnight. I got used to not being able to do simple stuff so bad I still feel as if I can't do it when I can!
So it's remembering I can and being entertained that means an awful lot!
ROHYPNOL runs GREEN surely!! The pills are full of colouring. Unless illegally manufactured SW Asian rowies...
Take care of yourself. I have to ping, I'm under a weight of pills!! It's 1:30 I must dash
take it easy ;-)
the na big blue book the Basic Text 6th edition is really good in hardback isbn 987-1-55776-734-9 is only £10.50 from a meeting, or FREE to a newcomer, but they like to give it away... then it's expensive... so if you can pay or pay most of it it's yours dead easily.
I got people promising to buy it after a certain time... BUT I WANT IT NOW!!! ~~ in the end I JUST BOUGHT IT!
It contains about 100 or more NA Chairs, y'know the life story bit at the beginning, which is what I come to NA for anyhow.
You know you can go to online meetings in America around 3am our time. You need to google online na meetings I did put up the links but it'd take ages to find 'em...
... take care! :-)
I just came from Anna's and she sounds terribly depressed.
I think it's about taking 1 thing at a time. Look you got off heroin, maybe it's to quick to get off alcohol. I don't know, but I send my best wishes to you during your recovery and I know it must be very tough.
j.
thanks
the drink i'm on is barely doing much so it shouldn't be a huge big deal cutting it out. it has been going 10 years, so I'm told not to cut it straight out, especially with mood problems going simultaneously
I am glad that you have the Big Book. I have read it several times and every time I read something that I swear wasn't there before.
Yeah that's v true. I would so like a paper copy of the AA book. I love reading paper books, e-books do my head in!
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