Today, this afternoon, here just me ha ha hee hee

AKH i couldn't sleep last night!! up till well past 6. i slept from sometime around 7 till a couple of mins past 1pm. Carol McGiffin was on Loose Women. Loose Women is like that American tellyprog where Whoopi Goldberg comes on and talks, it's supposed to be like that but less substantial (unusually: transatlantic thihgs often go the opposite way round as y'all might have noticed). yeah i woke up with my head buzzing music words yeah yeah ha ha from the second i woke up this means i am hyper ane enjoying it. if the methadone chemist dare gives a "you're on crack look" I will yell I'M NOT SLEEPING I'M ON NOTHING. i actually forgot to go to bed last night. well not that i usually need to remember. within 24 minus however many hours i sleep, give or take 2 or 3 i'm out for the count. this time it took a good 26+ hours to go, i had pictures behind my eyes that were really cool, like when you're heavily stoned on cannabis or mildly stoned (in my case) (what does happen to other people? i've no idea really............) {not the ultra-bright imagery i mentioned before, more vivid hypnogogia the second eyes are closed in full consciousness}
yeah yeah what gotta go fucking chemist not in mood for that little escapade being judged YET AGAIN. all that could ice my present cake is the landlord if he really wants to be yelled at i'm in the mood to GO. do you know i have never actually lamped someone my entire life, apart from very childish behaviour in primary school. never actually got into a fight because in my ordinary state i would never rise to one. i think you're giving somebody one over you if you let them get to you. you shouldn't hang your feellings on someone else, ESPECIALLY in a relationship. listen to amy winehouse's lyrics. that girl has a lot of growing up to do, or did when she last put out some music.

i think that one's messed up a possible international career for good. she'll always have a career in britain because once you make it here and are able to connect to your audience you always will have a career. it's much easier to be a star here than the usa, just read a few biogs if you don't believe me. i used to love life stories of famous, or more to the point high-accomplishing people because i took inspiration from them. this was before the current trend for giant-print (ie hardly any content) written in 2-weeks, never even met a friend of the person just collated press clippings and got £20 grand or so for a book on somebody like KERRY CATONA. i of all people shouldn't label anybody else a train-wreck but i do look at her sometimes and think bloody hell WHAT is she doing? supposedly bipolar though i've never seen it. you wanna see bipolar, look at frank bruno on This Morning ~ really entertaining slightly inappropriate wording. it's his overall demeanour that's manic he was so funny. he always has been funny. frank bruno is a boxer. i once won £10 by betting tyson would knock him out in round 3. never made money on a dog. can do boxing and horses. horses i pick like a girl, by the name and the odds. if 3 horses in one race are at 3 to 1 there's little point putting money on a 6 to 1. i bet at about 6 to one when that's the 3rd or 4th horse down in level of odds. really even odds mean there's little point betting on another horse. i've won a few times on horses. dogs i do not understand. hamster betting i might be good at.

talking bipolar i just remembered the biggest load of cowshit i have ever seen. mike tyson and his ex wife robin something on tv with him obviously chemical-coshed and her ruling over him with the word "bipolar" as the stick to beat him. i'm not posting the youtube you go find it yourself if you want it, but that is bullshit when i see it.

what am i fucking talking about/?? well nothing doing so far except me swaying in the chair feeling nice nice way nicer than yesterday night i really felt awful bordering on desperate yesterday evening

drinking: i had 4 cans and i just deleted a load of expletives as i don't want to aleinate anybody by being my idiot self yes 4 cans is DOUBLE the day before big fucking wow

today so far, 1 can. o hang on was it 5 yesterday...? I don't think so i am pretty sure it was 4. mood yesterday bottomed out -3 for a good 6 hours rest of the time at night weirdly sistant mild euphoria mingled with urge to cry that's all i can say on that score i'm supposed to rate myself not by the plus minus scheme i invented but a more biorhythmic one where sleep, appetite, euphoria/dysphoria, mental energy, physical energy etc are rated separately that's because they don't always go up and down in sync hence the weirder symptoms when it stops being just a bit whacky and is mentally ill with a nasty sounding label. well i fried my brains on acid didn't i so what can i expect

anna grace WILL YOU POST SOMETHING ON YOUR BLOG. NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW do it NOW SAY IT NOW DO IT NOW DO IT DO IT DO IT ANNA LISTEN TO ME OBEY ME DO AS I SAY

this isn't the clip i meant this is far more recent with holly willoghby presenting. she looks really good in a dress, like my ex did, turn sideways there's a hip-to-thigh shiny S. when i put on the dress it nearly burst at the shoulders and was empty where it looks sexy on her yeah bc i wear women's clothing so very frequently along with decleor fuckit i don't even know what the shit is called

going to see my friend, my old friend rebsie who i met, weirdly when on the pipe but not on the pipe end of last year we have in common a not bothering with gear despite her 35 year habit my 10 year habit and i love her, even though i fucked her off for about 5 years which isn't personal it's me drifting away or her drifting away if you wanna be my lover you gotta get with my freinds friendship lasts for ever, friendship never ends.... i texted her an hour ago im going down there later on



Illustrated: Bruno/Tyson fight; Carol McGiffin (Rebsie my friend looks like and is like her sister); Kerry Katona; Holly Willoughby in a dress

Online NA meetings UK: Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Sunday 19:30 hrs local time. That is 2:30pm Eastern; 11:30am Pacific; 20:30 Central Europe; 06:30 Australia. If you're reading this long after it was posted bear in mind time differences alter in summer